Nate for President

In an effort to prove wrong the multiple women who have come into my life optimistic for a relationship, and then exited quickly, proclaiming, “There’s no hope for you!”; I’ve decided to have a child.

A child would be the perfect vehicle for displaying my high level of responsibility, value of human life, and my quote-unquote “feelings” (which I do have, thank you very much!).

Therefore, any willing hosts should apply by leaving a comment after this post.

Thank you.

Please only serious inquiries. I hold full discretion to refuse services of applicants I deem not suitable. By volunteering for this opportunity, you are obligated to accept my biological material by an act of my choosing. I am also in no way liable for your health, feelings, or desire for relationship during the terms of our agreement. Actually, there will be no relationship, and should you, at any time, happen to be in close proximity with me, my child, and a potential romantic interest, you are to act like we don’t know each other. In fact, it might be best if we don’t know each other. Offer not valid in Arizona.

August 6th 1991 - Tim Berners-Lee, credited as the father of the world wide web, is working late in his lab at the CERN headquarters in Geneva. Two other characters are waiting idly by for the completion of his project.

TIM BERNERS-LEE: I’ve done it! I’ve successfully coupled hypertext language with the domain name system and uploaded the very first webpage! This is going to change the world…

AL GORE: Well well, congrats to you Timmy. You sure are lucky I was here to give you all that encouragement, and moral support, and not to mention all of those ideas and opinions. Naturally, you won’t mind when I take just a little bit of credit for my profound contributions and involvement.

TIM BERNERS-LEE: Uhh…

RON JEREMY: Hey, cool! Can you put porn on it?

TIM BERNERS-LEE: Oh God, what have I done?